


Playing Heroes

by blue_pointer



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack, Firefly References, Funny Tony, Humor, M/M, Playing with dolls, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Sailor Moon References, Sam Wilson is a Gift, Therapist Sam Wilson, Therapy, Thor Is a Good Bro, poor steve, practical joker Clint, slight angst, winteriron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-28
Updated: 2017-10-28
Packaged: 2019-01-25 11:36:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12530424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_pointer/pseuds/blue_pointer
Summary: When Sam breaks out toys for Bucky's latest therapy session, everyone wants to join in the fun. Except Steve.





	Playing Heroes

Sam employed some unconventional therapy techniques when he worked with Bucky. This morning, it was action figures.

“Hah hah! Now you’re my prisoner of war, I’ll experiment on you. Because I’m a psychopath without a drop of human empathy!” The Red Skull loomed six inches tall on the kitchen counter, Bucky’s action figure (played by G.I. Joe circa 1983) prone before him.

"Oh no, I’ll never see Brooklyn again!” action figure Bucky cried. “God, why have you forsaken me?” Bucky wept.

“Hey, wait.” The real Bucky took a time-out. “I’m not Jesus, Sam.”

“But you admit you didn’t deserve any of this.” Sam had found it was easier to talk about what had happened to Bucky in the war if they held things at a distance, using props. Then Bucky could talk about action figure Bucky’s feelings and experiences with less chance of having a flashback or sliding into one of his depressions.

Bucky shrugged. “Yeah. But I’m still not Jesus. Not then, not now.”

“But you were still innocent,” Sam insisted. He needed Bucky to say it. Then maybe he could start believing it.

Bucky looked at Sam, dubious. It was hard for him to imagine there had been a time he was innocent of anything.

“Okay, that’s it. Repeat after me.” Sam set G.I. Joe back on his feet and raised the action figure’s right hand. “I, Bucky Barnes.”

“I, Bucky Barnes.”

“Did not deserve any of the things that Hydra did to me.”

Bucky scowled. “Did not deserve...stuff.”

“I was just a kid,” Sam went on.

“I was just a kid.” Bucky sounded more sullen than sincere.

“And I’m gonna stop punishing myself for things that were beyond my control.” Sam knew he was pushing it, but you had to push it with Bucky or he made no progress at all. 

Bucky just stared at him. That was a big promise Sam was asking him to make.

Time for more role play. He raised the Red Skull into the air, so that he was still looming over G.I. Joe. “Where is your god now, Sergeant Barnes?”

Just then, Thor walked into the kitchen. “Hello!” He smiled his childlike smile and reached into the fridge, grabbing a fresh carton of milk and pounding it while they both stared.

“He’s...right there!” Sam made action figure Bucky point to Thor.

“Hmm?” Thor raised his eyebrows, lost but wanting to be in on the joke.

“No one can save you now!” Red Skull insisted.

Thor’s brow drew down in a frown. He walked over to the counter to examine Red Skull more carefully. Thor plucked the action figure from Bucky’s grip. “Listen, tiny skull-head man. Don’t hurt my friend. Perhaps a swim in the arctic ocean will help you think about what you’ve done.” He dropped Red Skull into the sink, where the dishes were soaking. “ _Isvaksbad_ is good for you.” His job done, Thor left.

“Come on, man!” Sam walked over to fish Red Skull out of the dingey water. “I paid a lot of money for this weird Nazi villain collector’s figurine.” So what if Tony had reimbursed him? There was no need to waste time and money finding another one.

“Stop right there!” Both of them turned to look at the other side of the counter, where the head of a Cap doll had just peeked up. “My name is Steve Rogers! In the name of the moon, I will punish you!” Sure enough, when the Steve action figure jumped up onto the counter, he was wearing a Sailor Moon skirt.

“What the...hell?” Bucky felt like he should get the reference, but he just...didn’t.

Sam laughed so hard, he nearly dropped Red Skull back into the dishwater.

“Tony?” Bucky knew those fingers anywhere.

Tony stood up from behind the counter. “Who else?” He walked over to stand next to Bucky, sliding an arm around him. “You didn’t think I’d leave you to fight Red Skull all alone, did you?”

Awash with warm feelings, Bucky bent to press a kiss to Tony’s cheek. “Thanks, honey.”

“But you know who Red Skull’s real nemesis was, right?”

Bucky blinked. “Not Steve?”

Tony glanced down at the figure still in his hand. “What, Captain Moon here? No. The real thing that defeated Red Skull was…” He reached into a pocket. “Howard Stark’s moustache! Dun dun dun!” He slapped a Mr. Potato Head onto the counter. Somehow, it did look kind of like Howard. Bucky had to wonder if Tony had made special pieces for it.

“Oh, you wanna play therapy, too, Tony?” Sam asked, having finally recovered from the sight of Captain Moon.

“What, and risk ruining the sacred ritual of playing with action figures to force emotional insight or whatever psych mumbo-jumbo? I’ll pass, thanks. Besides, Buckaroo here likes me crazy, don’t you, sugarlump?”

Before Sam could protest or Bucky could reply, a limited edition _Indominus rex_ from _Jurassic World_ \--which should still have been mint in its box--jumped onto the counter. “All the dinosaurs feared the T. Rex!”

“Seriously, Barton? How often have I told you to stay out of my action figure collection?”

But it was too late. Clint had snatched up the Red Skull figure, too, and was producing his own play. “Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!” He made growling and roaring noises as _Indominus rex_ devoured Red Skull.

“Well,” Sam said. “I guess that concludes today’s session.”

"Thanks, Sam." Bucky wasn't exactly happy about being in therapy, but he was grateful to Sam for putting up with all of his bullshit.

“Oo, do I get my Bucky now?” Tony batted his eyelashes at said Bucky.

Sam rolled his eyes. “Like I could keep the two of you apart.”

Chuckling wickedly, Tony dragged Bucky off to his workshop. Sam briefly considered finishing up the dishes, but no. It was Steve’s turn. Steve could do his own damn chores. When he glanced back to the counter, Tony’s Cap action figure had mysteriously disappeared.

 

*

 

Steve returned from his morning run and headed straight for the shower. Unfortunately, the bathroom was already occupied.

He stopped in the doorway, staring at the Captain America action figure balanced on the sink. It was wearing a mini-skirt and holding a wand. And it had pigtails down to its feet.

For the youtube video, Clint zoomed in on Steve’s face, then cut to the action figure’s face, then back to Steve’s face. His look of stoic confusion went viral. ‘Captain Moon’ became one of the hottest memes of the year.


End file.
